


On the waves

by Schist



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: 19th Century, Alternate Universe - Historical, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:10:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4852349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schist/pseuds/Schist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John leaves his home town to create a new life for himself, and that is exactly what he finds when he gets on the ship to America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iben](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iben/gifts).



John looked down at his feet. The water below the gangplank seemed so far down and looked menacing, just a thin strip of dirty harbor water between the dock and the ship, but it separated worlds. He stepped over to the ship and felt a sense of finality that was frightening and liberating at the same time. No going back now.

“Your name, sir?”

John looked at the steward, a small man with his face red from standing on deck in the chilly damp air.

“John Blake.”

The steward checked the ship’s manifest.

“Welcome aboard, sir” he said with a polite smile and made a small bow. “I wish you a pleasant trip. The boy will show you to your quarters.”

John looked at the little boy in a sailor’s shirt and hat who stepped up to him and accepted his luggage from the dock hand, who scurried back down the gangway. The boy looked too small to carry the heavy bags, but he lifted them up and beckoned to John to follow him inside the ship.

The boy showed him to a tiny cabin – just a bed, a washstand and a mirror, a desk, a chair and a small closet with barely any floor space at all. It smelled of tar and damp wood. The furniture looked sturdy and surprisingly simple. There was a painting of a ship on the wall over the bed. For a moment John just stood in the door and looked at it, shocked and disappointed. He had expected simple conditions, but not quite this small. He tried not to think about spending the next few weeks in here. There were other places he could go, he would only have to sleep in here.

“Anything else, sir?” the boy asked.

He had put John’s bags on the bed.

“How do I get to the saloons?” John asked.

“Want me to show you, sir?”

“Just tell me. I’ll find my own way.”

“Very well, sir.”

 

He waited until the boy had left and then sat on the bed and tried to collect himself. It would be fine, he told himself. He would be fine and before he knew it he would be in New York and he would start a new life. He thought about Gordon and felt the usual mix of gratitude and guilt. Gordon had helped him so many times, given him so many chances, and now John might never see him again. I’ll make him proud, he thought. I’ll make sure I have good things to write home about.

Home. London would never be home again.

He lay down on the bed and fought back a wave of claustrophobia. He closed his eyes to shut out the dull little room, and after a while he dozed off.

 

When he came to it was to a vague feeling of nausea and disorientation. He slowly got to his feet and looked out the small, round window. The docks were nowhere to be seen, only grayish blue water all along the horizon. He felt a moment of panic and had to step away from the window and sit down on the bed. He took several long, deep breaths and reminded himself that this was good. Let go of the past. He was on his way now.

He looked in the mirror and adjusted his clothes and then he took another deep breath and opened the door to the corridor outside his cabin. He stepped outside and collided with someone who was just passing by. John lost his balance and was knocked against the wall but managed not to fall.

“Watch where you’re going” the someone said, sounding understandably annoyed and glared at him.

“I’m terribly sorry” John said. “It’s entirely my fault, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here.”

The other man looked at him and the annoyance seemed to give way to curiosity. He was big; tall and strong rather than fat. Brown hair, green eyes, a short beard. John felt the floor sway under his feet and wondered if it was the ship moving on the waves, but he didn’t feel nauseous anymore.

“I’m Bane” the man said and extended his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mr Bane. I’m Blake” John said. “John Blake. Again, I’m very sorry. May I buy you a drink to apologize?”

Bane looked amused.

“The food and drink is included in the ticket” he said.

John burned with embarrassment and wished he could disappear. He laughed awkwardly.

“Of course” he said. “How foolish of me. Well, then I really don’t know how to make it up to you.”

“A game of cards, perhaps?” Bane suggested.

He had that look of barely contained amusement that someone has who is always in control of himself and is grand enough not to laugh too openly at those who are not. John felt flustered and uncomfortable but also strangely invigorated. His eyes were drawn to the sleeve of Bane’s black jacket that was hugging his muscular arms in the most attractive way, and his face felt hot.

“I would love to” he said and tried to keep his voice steady.

 

The main saloon was at the aft of the ship, with large windows that gave the passengers a fantastic view of the sea. It was already full of people despite being so early in their journey. John looked at the endless sea outside the window but felt less rattled by it now. He looked at Bane who was heading for the bar.

“What do you drink, Mr Blake?” he asked.

“Whiskey.”

There were several brands and they spent a while choosing between them before looking for a free table. They had asked the barman for a deck of cards and sat down to play near the windows. John made an effort not to look through them while Bane dealt the cards.

“Does the ocean bother you, Mr Blake?” Bane asked.

“Please, call me John.”

“Very well.”

John expected him to offer his first name, but he didn’t.

“I have to admit it does” John said finally and glanced at the vast expanses of water outside the windows again. “I’ve never been to sea and I didn’t realize it would be so….”

“Big?” Bane suggested.

“Yes!” John said and laughed. “Exactly. Have you been to sea before?”

“I haven’t.”

“And you’re… comfortable here?”

Bane shrugged and looked around.

“I try not to let fear get to me” he said.

They played for a while, but John found it difficult to concentrate on the game. Bane’s presence gave him a strange feeling of being safe and very vulnerable at the same time. He spent most of his time trying to come up with things to say.

“Do you have plans in New York?” he asked after Bane had won the first game and dealt another.

“Yes.”

John waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“So do I” he said instead. “A friend of a friend is expecting me. He’s offered me a job.”

“What kind of job?”

“Security.”

“You a copper?” Bane asked with a raised eyebrow.

John chuckled at the colloquial expression. You didn’t often hear gentlemen use it.

“Yes” he said. “Well… I was.”

Bane raised his eyebrow a little higher and the way this made him look was so enticing John found it difficult to breathe.

“I…” he said, flustered and embarrassed. “I needed to get away from London for a while. Do something else.”

He wished he’d said nothing. This had brought him into territory he didn’t want to visit, and certainly not with an attractive stranger.

“Are you from London too?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Really? What part?”

“You wouldn’t know it.”

John smiled.

“I’ve lived in London all my life. I know everything there is to know about it.”

“No you don’t.”

John felt silenced, even shamed. They played without speaking for a while. Bane won the second game too and then he finished his drink.

“Another game?” John asked.

“Thank you, but I will retire to my cabin. I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Where else could I go” John said and indicated the restrictions of the ship, but then he felt silly for making such a bad joke.

Bane smiled and made John’s stomach hurt.

“Good point” he said and stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

He left. John stayed a while longer, had something to eat and chatted with a couple from Manchester sitting next to him. Then he went back to his cabin, lit the small oil lamp on the desk and got ready for bed. He lay down in the bed, the smell of ship and unfamiliar sheets around him. The cabin looked less cramped in the dim light and he didn’t feel so anxious anymore. He thought about Bane and stuck his hand under the cover and inside his pajama bottoms. He could barely hear his own panting breath over the lapping of the waves against the side of the ship below him and the whipping sound of the sails moving in the wind above him.


	2. Chapter 2

John had a restless night full of tense dreams and woke up with a heavy feeling in his head. The cabin felt damp and chilly, and when he looked out the window he saw that it was raining. There was a kind of melancholic beauty in the grey sea spotted with raindrops and the gray sky hanging over it. It fit his mood perfectly.

He dressed, shaved and went to the mess for breakfast. He looked around for Bane, but didn’t see him anywhere. He ate alone and although the food and tea made him feel better he also felt anxious about how to spend the day. He wondered what everyone he knew at home was doing now. Was Gordon having his morning tea?

He spent most of the day in the library or wandering restlessly around the ship.  

Around late afternoon he eventually ended up on deck. He hadn’t been there since he had boarded the day before, and it made him feel small and helpless to stand in the chilly wind on that small bit of wooden floor with the Atlantic all around.

It had stopped raining and several other passengers were on deck. He saw some of the third class passengers huddled together on a bench in their dirty rags. Poor souls. Then he saw Bane standing near the fore of the ship. He felt a jolt of excitement but wasn’t sure if he should approach. They didn’t know each other. But something made him walk up to the other man, trying to make it look casual as if he was just out for a stroll.

“Oh, good afternoon” he said when he reached Bane.

Bane glanced at him with a hint of a smile.

“Good afternoon” he said.

He was leaning on the railing, dressed in a leather coat lined with fur and a cigarette in his hand. He offered John a cigarette, and John accepted. They smoked in silence for a while. The sea seemed less menacing now, and somehow more beautiful.

“Did you have a good night?” John asked.

“It wasn’t too bad. Did you?”

“Not really.”

Bane cast him another glance and John thought he could see a hint of sympathy. Another few moments of silence passed.

“You’ll get used to it” Bane said.

“I hope so. It’s beautiful.”

He nodded towards the sea.

“Yes” Bane agreed. “I have not been spoiled with beautiful sights. This is a blessing.”

John glanced at him. He dressed and spoke as a gentleman, but the few clues he’d given about his life implied something else and John found himself feeling intrigued.

“Bloody freezing though” Bane added with a grin. “Let’s go inside. Have some tea?”

“I’d love to.”

The sea was even more beautiful from inside the moderately warm saloon with a steaming cup of tea in his hands. They chatted for a while about this and that.

“What makes a copper take off to America?” Bane asked.

John looked at him, torn between wanting to tell and wanting to be careful.

“Why?” he asked.

Bane shrugged and smiled a little.

“Curious” he said.

“Tell me why you’re leaving and I’ll tell you why I am.”

Bane’s smile grew a little wider. Their eyes met and John felt hot inside, intensely aware of the other man’s face, body and beautiful eyes. As if they were the only ones on the ship, the only ones on the ocean.

“Need a fresh start” Bane said.

“Me too.”

Bane made a face between annoyed and amused.

“Need to get away from some people whose ideals I no longer share” he said.

“How? Religious?”

“In a way. Moral.”

“And you need an ocean between them and you?”

“They’re not the friendliest sort.”

John let his eyes wander over Bane’s muscular body and felt a trickle of fear at the thought of who a man like this might need to run away from.

“Your turn” Bane said.

“I… got things mixed up. Thought I was doing the right thing, letting people off the hook in return for favors I thought would pay off down the line.”

“Unfriendly people?” Bane asked with a grin.

“Yes. They turned out to be a lot less helpful than I thought.”

“Oh, you’re the detective who got in trouble for taking bribes! It was all over the newspapers a while back.”

John felt his skin crawl with embarrassment.

“It wasn’t like that” he said.

“Still. Bit naïve, weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Did you learn something?”

“I suppose so.”

Bane looked at him with his eyes full of sympathy. John wondered what it was he had done. Mafia? Spying? Could be anything, and he felt a surge of excitement that almost drowned out his discomfort at Bane knowing about his disgrace.

The steward came in and announced that dinner was being served in the mess. John looked up as if woken from a dream, surprised to find himself in a saloon full of passengers about to go for something as mundane as dinner.

They ate together and then played cards for a while during amicable small talk before retiring to their cabins for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

When John arrived at the mess for dinner the next day Bane wasn’t there. They had spoken briefly in the corridor and made arrangements to dine together. John took a table and then the couple from Manchester he had run into a few times now – a Mr and Mrs Wayne – showed up.

“Might we join you?” Mrs Wayne asked, smiling.

John, flustered and uncomfortable, smiled back.

“Of course” he said. “Take a seat.”

There was still a seat left for Bane at the table if he wanted it, and he could hardly say he was waiting for someone. That would be terribly rude.

Bane showed up in the door just a few moments later and scanned the room. John thought he looked annoyed when he saw him sitting with the Waynes. John made a small gesture to try and explain that there was nothing he could do, and discreetly nodded towards the fourth chair. Bane shrugged dismissively and went to another table.

There was nothing to do about it. John chatted with the Waynes and found them quite likeable. Though Mr Wayne could be a bit dry his wife had charm enough for the both of them.

After dinner they moved to the saloon for a smoke and a game of cards. Bane was nowhere to be seen. John spent some time with the Waynes and then excused himself and left. He found Bane on deck, standing by the railing. He hesitated, but then walked up to him.

“What an amazing sunset” he said.

Bane looked at him.

“Yes” he said. “I saw whales earlier.”

“Really?”

They watched the sunset spill bright orange, yellow and pink over the waves.

“I’m sorry about dinner” John said. “They just showed up.”

“You dine with whoever you please.”

“I wanted to dine with you.”

Bane looked at him again. John looked back and felt the now familiar tension start to build up inside him. He was so acutely aware of standing here next to Bane in the cool evening, as if all his senses had been magically enhanced. Bane smiled.

“Have you gotten used to the ship yet?” he asked and turned his eyes back to the sunset.

“I suppose so. I quite like the rocking motion of the ship at night. It’s surprisingly soothing.”

“It’s not bad, is it? I sleep like a baby.”

John couldn’t stop himself from imagining Bane in bed, and felt himself slowly get hard. He tried to think about something else.

“I find I quite like being here” Bane said. “Suspended in a kind of hiatus from everything, separated both from my origin and my destination.”

“It doesn’t make you restless?”

“No. I like to read, or stand here on deck and watch the sea. Look! A whale!”

He pointed, and John to see what he was pointing at. At first he saw nothing other than the magnificently colored waves, but then a long, sleek shape broke the surface and disappeared again. Then another, further away. It gave him a strange feeling, as if being in the presence of something sacred.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Bane said and grabbed John’s hand.

John looked in surprise at their locked hands. So did Bane, held on for one endless second before letting go. Neither of them said anything, just stood and watched the whales. John felt like the skin on his hand was hot where Bane had touched him even though the rest of him was starting to freeze.

“I was in… an organization” Bane said suddenly while still looking at the whales appearing and disappearing in the water. “I was an orphan, grew up on the streets. Spent some time in prison. Then I met these people. They had a purpose, a belief system. I didn’t have to think, just do what I was told.”

John listened, wondering how he had deserved this unexpected trust.

“They trained me” Bane said. “They were so disciplined. I needed that, after growing up alone. They taught me to take care of myself and get strong. I started to believe their view of the world and their ideas for making it better. I rose through the ranks.”

A cold, paralyzing understanding started to spread through John.

“You were in the League?” he almost whispered.

He looked at Bane. Bane looked back and nodded.

“I’ve been chasing the League ever since I joined the police force” John said.

Bane nodded again.

This changed everything. If he arrested Bane and brought him back to London he would not only be forgiven, he would be a hero. He looked at Bane and their eyes met for a long time.  

“I’m telling you because I’ve grown fond of you over this short time” Bane said. “But if you use it against me, I will kill you.”

His eyes became hard and John believed him. He nodded and found himself reaching for Bane’s hand. Bane let him take it, closing his fingers around John’s in a firm, warm grip. Bane’s hand was bigger and stronger than his and the touch felt intimate beyond his ability to endure. He swallowed hard, wanted to let go and wanted to hold on. Suddenly it crossed his mind that someone might see them. He looked around, didn’t see anyone nearby, but still let go of Bane’s hand.

The sun had sunk behind the horizon and the colors of the sunset were fading.

“I was an orphan too” John said. “I was rescued by a good man. A police officer. He took me to an orphanage but always came to visit. When I grew up I wanted to follow in his footsteps.”

“If that had been me” Bane said. “If I had been taken care of, and you had not…”

“We would be different” John said and felt goosebumps over his back and arms. “I might be in the League, and you a police officer.”

He felt a hand over his but couldn’t see it in the dark.

“Why did you decide to leave?” John asked.

“I finally realized they were wrong.”

They stood in silence for a while, the ocean around them so dark now they could only hear the waves, not see them.

“Shall we go inside?” Bane asked. “It’s getting late, and cold.”

“All right.”

They went below deck and back to their cabins.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Bane said and smiled in a way that made him look shy.

John felt the same awkward but happy smile on his own face.

“You will” he said. “Good night.”

“You too.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning the steward came to the mess at breakfast to inform them that there was a storm on the way.

“We will make every effort to make you as comfortable as possible” he said. “But as we all know, bad weather is an inevitable part of the journey that every seafarer must be prepare to deal with. It is not uncommon, especially for inexperienced travelers, to suffer from sea sickness. I assure you our ship physician will do his best for you, but please keep in mind that sea sickness is as harmless as it is unpleasant. I ask you to stay in your cabins as much as possible for the duration of the storm. This is for your own safety, since it can be very dangerous to move around a ship in bad weather.”

John looked at Bane, who looked back, his face mirroring the same worry he felt at all the talk of sea sickness. They looked out the window. It was raining, but the sea looked no rougher than it had previously on their journey.

After breakfast they went to the library to try and read while the motions of the ship grew stronger and stronger. When the ship made a sudden lurch that tipped John out of his chair they decided they’d had enough.

“I think we should retire to our cabins” Bane said.

“Yes.”

They picked their way to the cabins, holding onto the walls for fear of falling. John felt no nausea yet, and allowed himself to hope he might be one of the lucky few who sea sickness wouldn’t touch.  They stopped outside John’s cabin.

“I’ll see you when the weather calms down” Bane said.

“Yes. Good luck.”

He wanted to take his hand but there were other people in the corridor.

“You too” Bane said, smiled and left.

 

The weather deteriorated quickly. John sat on his bed in nervous anticipation and tried to read while the ship rocked. After a while he had to accept that he was not in fact immune to sea sickness. It started as a vague nausea, made worse every time the ship made an extra violent turn, then escalated steadily until he had to throw up into his night chamber. He wiped his mouth with a handkerchief, disgusted and embarrassed even though there was no one here to see him. He wondered if Bane was ill too. It was hard to imagine.

Soon he had no time to imagine anything. The sickness kept him in a merciless grip and seemed never to want to let go. It was dark outside the windows but he didn’t know if night had fallen already or if it was the storm. He wanted to light the oil lamp but was afraid to get off his violently rocking bed. He vomited until he was empty but it gave him little relief. He lay curled up on the bed and wished this torment would end soon, but instead another toss of the ship made the night chamber turn over and spill vomit all over the floor. The stench that filled the room made him throw up again, but his empty stomach had nothing but bitter-tasting bile to offer. When the cramps finally started to subside he lay on his bed and wept until he fell asleep.

He woke up from a nightmare and thought at first he was still in it. The room was dark, the ship was still tossing in the storm and as soon as he moved his stomach started to cramp again in the most painful way. He wondered if it would ever end. Would he die here? It seemed like it would be a relief to die in the waves, washed clean of the stink of vomit before being freed of his suffering.

The next time he woke up there was a knock on the door. He thought he had dreamed it at first, but then he heard it again. He got up on his feet, his head spinning and his legs shaking, and made his way to the door. The ship was still moving as bad as before, and he had to hold onto the furniture to keep from falling. He opened the door and found Bane outside. He looked tired and haggard, sunken cheeks and dark eyes, looking like he might fall if he wasn’t holding onto the door.

“Are you all right?” Bane asked.

“No. Are you?”

Bane shook his head.

“But I will live” he said. “Do you need the physician?”

“I don’t know. Is there anything he can do?”

Bane shook his head again.

“May I come in?”

“Of course.”

John let him in and closed the door behind him just before the ship’s movements made them fall onto the bed.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you” Bane said and tried to sit up. “I thought it might be easier to endure this with company.”

“I’m glad you came” John said. “Though I must apologize for the smell.”

Bane laughed, but it sounded more tired than amused.

“The whole ship stinks” he said. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

They looked at each other.

“Let us lie down before we fall and split our heads open” Bane said.

“Yes.”

They lay down on the bed, awkwardly shuffling around for space.

“Here” Bane said. “Lie in front of me.”

He lay down with his back at the wall and motioned at John to lie down next to him, his back against Bane’s chest and stomach.

“Is this all right?” Bane asked and carefully put his arm around John’s waist.

“Yes. I hadn’t realized before now how cold I am.”

“This will keep us warm. Are you very ill?”

“I don’t know. I feel very ill, but my stomach is empty.”

“Me too.”

The rocking motions of the ship made his stomach turn again, but nothing happened. With the next roll he started to glide off the bed, but Bane’s strong arm held him back.

“Try to sleep” Bane said in his ear, so close John could feel his breath on his skin. “It will be over soon.”

John nodded and closed his eyes. He thought he felt Bane kiss the top of his head, but he must have been imagining.


	5. Chapter 5

When John woke up it was to an eerie stillness. Morning light was shining through the window and the ship seemed to lie immobile in the water. He could hear distant voices, but the roar of the storm had gone and left a soft silence behind.

He was lying close to Bane with his head on the other man’s shoulder. Bane seemed to be asleep. John’s first impulse was to pull away, but something made him stay. If he pulled away he might not be able to get back to what he had right now. He was surprise to find how much he liked being so close to Bane, to feel his warmth through his clothes, feel his chest rise and fall with each slow breath. It made him feel comforted and safe, and charged and excited at the same time.

Bane opened his eyes and looked at him. John looked back and then sat up in bed, too awkward to stay so close. Now that the crisis was over he wasn’t sure what had happened. Why had Bane showed up at his door, and why had he let him in?

”Is it morning?” Bane asked, his voice hoarse from sleep.

”I don’t know.”

”I feel like someone turned me inside out” Bane said.

John smiled.

”Me too” he said.

”Seems like the storm is over, though.”

”Yes. Thank God.”

Bane nodded and slowly sat up. He cast a quick glance at John, seemed uncertain of what to say, but then smiled a little.

”Perhaps we might clean ourselves up a little and find something to eat?”

”Yes” John said and smiled back.

They got up off the bed, awkward and uncomfortable. John tried not to look at the overturned chamber pot. The cleaner would come in and take care of that later, it wasn’t his problem. As if by a miracle there was still a little water left in the jug under the washstand, and they shared it to freshen up even though there wasn’t enough for shaving. John put on clean clothes and felt slightly better. A bit of food would put him back more or less to normal, he thought, but then he thought about Bane and felt less optimistic. What was going on between them was everything but normal.

They went by Bane’s cabin to get clean clothes for him. It looked much like John’s, and didn’t smell any better.

All over the ship people were coming back to life after the storm. Some looked like they had been up and about for hours, or like the storm had never happened, but most of the passengers looked like John felt – as if they had just returned from the dead and were still finding their footing again. The mess served tea, porridge and bread. Simple food that was easy to digest.

”This is better” John said and poured himself a second cup of tea.

Bane smiled.

”Yes, much better” he said. ”I hope we will have nice weather for the rest of the trip.”

 

John stood on deck and watched the sunset. It had become a tradition after the storm – each evening he and Bane dined together, played a game of cards and then went up on deck to watch the sunset before going to bed. They stood together in the chilly wind without speaking, watching the display of bright colors on the waves. John had hoped that the longing he had felt since that night during the storm would fade away and turn back into normal friendship, but it hadn’t. Instead it kept growing stronger. He wanted to do it again – lie together, Bane’s body close to his, the intimacy of being close together where no one could see. It was with him now, a bittersweet ache that made him want to reach out his hand and touch the other man, or worse, take him in his arms.

It was a relief when he said good night to Bane and retreated to his cabin. When he was alone he could relax, but as soon as Bane was out of sight the feeling of longing grew stronger. It was unbearable to be with him, but equally unbearable to be without him. He sat on his bed and tried to come to terms with what had happened. How could he have developed such a fondness for the man in such a short time? And in this way?

He undressed, put his pajamas on and lay down in bed. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but his mind kept returning to Bane. His smile, the look in his eyes when he laughed, the shape of his body and the faint smell of him… John felt himself get hard. He put his hands under the cover and opened his trousers. He wondered what Gordon would think if he knew, and felt a wave of shame before he could push the thought aside. He grabbed himself and moved his hand back and forth while he imagined what Bane might look like naked. The guilt he felt at such sinful thoughts only added to his pleasure. He heard himself moan and pretended it was Bane. The noises from the ship almost drowned the sound of his voice, and he could allow himself to get louder until he came with a long, hoarse moan.

He cleaned himself up with his heart full of confusion, shame and a reckless kind of joy, and then went to sleep.

 

The next morning he met Bane for breakfast as usual, but he felt awkward and embarrassed and found it difficult to carry on the conversation. He considered breaking off all contact with Bane for the duration of the trip, but finally decided that it wouldn’t work. They were stuck here together for at least another week. Besides, he didn’t want to avoid him.

Bane was unusually quiet too, and after they had finished their breakfast they sat in silence for a while. John tried to think of something to say, but the painful longing inside him made it difficult to think.

”I thought I’d stop by my cabin” Bane said finally and stood up. ”Why don’t you join me? We can go to the library after.”

”Certainly.”

They walked down to the cabins and John followed Bane through the corridor to his cabin. Bane opened the door and invited John in with a gesture. John stepped inside and Bane closed the door. But instead of doing whatever he came to do, he just stood there and looked at John.

”What…” John started, but Bane interrupted him:

”May I kiss you?”

”What?”

”I would like to kiss you” Bane said, with urgency in his voice. ”Do I have your permission?”

John knew he was supposed to be outraged, say of course you do not, but all he could do was look at Bane’s lips. They looked full and soft. He nodded. Bane took a step that closed the distance between them, put his hands on John’s shoulders, and kissed him.

He had never kissed a man before. He had wanted to, but had never gotten close enough or been brave enough. Bane’s lips were just as soft as they looked, and they tasted like clean air after too much time spent indoors. All thoughts of sin vanished from his mind and the longing he had felt was finally silenced. He had expected it to be quick and chaste, but Bane opened his mouth and let his tongue inside John’s mouth. The feeling was invasive and exciting at the same time. The feeling of intimacy like nothing he had ever felt before.

When they finally stopped he felt dizzy, as if he had been drinking. He looked at Bane, who was smiling.

”Did you like it?” Bane asked.

John nodded, too emotional to talk.

”Me too” Bane said. ”Again?”

”Yes.”

This time they moved closer to each other and put their arms around each other. It felt awkward at first, but he soon relaxed and discovered how much he liked it. He moved closer still, pressed his body against Bane’s, and was both excited and a little startled when he felt something hard in Bane’s trousers press against his own hardness.

They slowly let go, looked at each other, smiled, even laughed a little. John felt out of breath.

”Have you… have you kissed a man before?” he asked.

”No” Bane said. ”Have you?”

”No. I’ve wanted to, but… the sin…”

Bane laughed.

”I’ve done things much worse than this” he said. ”I don’t care about sin. You have to find your own way in life, decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong.”

John thought about it. There _were_ worse things one could do than kiss someone.

”I like you a lot” Bane said.

”I like you too.”

”I know.”

They looked at each other and laughed.

”Again?” John asked.

”Yes.”

 

They spent the day in quiet bliss, speaking only little but now and then looking at each other, smiling, locking eyes with trembling hearts. John had never felt anything like it. It was like being drunk, but more, better, purer. _Is this love? It has to be_. He had no idea it would feel like this, be so consuming, so intimate and beautiful and intense. John worried that others would see. How could they not?

After dinner they went back to Bane’s cabin. They kissed just inside the closed door and then sat down on the bed and kissed again. John felt his hardness press against his trousers and longed for release. He had slept with women on a few occasion, but how did one sleep with a man? The sin barely held him back anymore, he was in too deep now. The life he had left behind was so far away, gone for good. He was someone else now, someone who might do things that the old John barely dared to dream about.

He found his hands wandering over Bane’s body as if of their own, finding his crotch. Things took off from there. Clothes being opened, hot skin against hot skin, the smell of him was intoxicating. There was no time to worry about how, they found ways with their hands and mouths, rubbing themselves against each other, breathing hard into each other’s necks and mouths.

After, they lay next to each other on Bane’s bed under Bane’s blanket. Relaxed, happy, slightly shell-shocked, wrapped in their own world. If kissing had broken a barrier, another one had been broken now. John lay there with a strong feeling that his life had changed and could never change back again. It was a good feeling.

“When we reach New York” he said. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not sure. I’m hoping some of my contacts might help me.”

“I want to come with you.”

Bane looked at him with eyes full of sadness.

“It would be too dangerous” he said. “The League will hunt me for the rest of my life.”

“I don’t care.”

“Maybe you don’t now, but you’re young. You have so many years ahead of you.”

“I don’t care!” John said again.

Bane looked at him, seemed to want to say something but didn’t. Then he smiled, but still looked sad.

“I want you to come” he said. “But what about your plans?”

“Plans can change.”

Bane nodded. He pulled John closer into a hard, long hug and planted a kiss on his head.


End file.
